Words are merely words
They are not anywhere near close to explain this feeling
This grip that I have in this heart of mine

This intangible feeling
Is slowly killing me inside
It is uncertain
This abstract feeling
What is this??

When the hopes of mine
That a single soul would be reading the previous thoughts
And shower me with wisdom words
That is when I realise
What are you putting yourself into now dear self?

You forgot whooo has been with you through the ups and the downs
The calamity
Waves of emotions
Did that made you think less?
I thought

He has been with you
What else are wondering of?
It was whether you

Youu

Kau telah berganjak sedikit atau lari dariNya
Baru sedikit cubaan
Kau dah berlebam mata
Mengelak manusia
Takut dibaca
Kau apa masalah Husna?

Bukan selama ni kau yang sering berkata
Ujian, cubaan tanda kasihNya
Sekarang kau diuji dengan kata-kata mu sendiri
Betulkah kau membenarkan apa yang kau ujari selama ini

Ini tarbiyyah buat dirimu mungkin, Husna
Melihat sejauh mana kau betul-betul mengimani apa yang kau perkatakan

So are you giving up now?
Have you not remember that
He is ArRahman ArRahim?
One out of hundredths of His Rahmat are for those on Earth
How loving,graceful and merciful He is
Are you losing hope now?

p/s: is this PMS or whaaaaat?
A gentle reminder aka slap for myself
This is for me, myself and AIIII
Personatlity issues maybe?
ohhAdiyos

What is this clot
What is this blurry cover sheet
What is this punch
What is thisss?
What is this shake kicking this inside of mine?
What is this?

Is this something I know nothing of?
A new side of life I am venturing into?

What is this?

This helpless feeling
This unknown emotion that tires yourself
Tiring yourself weeping
Shedding all these unnecessary thoughts

Thoughts of life
Of human nature
Of yourself
Your ability
It is strangling just too hard now

When the future scares you
and
You don't feel like even peeping into the future
Because you seem to know what you will be facing
What you expect always hits the target
That fear
How is it possible for a man to look beyond imperfections and continue life?

The Exploration

Unravelling truth
Scribbled between words
Written between lines

Like the subtle breeze that touches the face
The gentle air that strokes the hair
Once it was there
Then it was gone
I fear such thing
Whether or not I will be standing strong
At the edge of the cliff
That was self built

Will I be filled with patience
When everything seems to be distressing
Do I still have strength stored
When part of me is trying to keep pieces of me together
Would I still be able to offer love
When hatred is all I get later on?
When everyone pushes me away from their lives
Would there be still hope in me to keep me moving?

This road,
It's a road left entwine
Loong with restless days
I see it through their eyes and words
Slowly unwinding the road full of thorn
Their strength is reflected
Because they know they have Him
And that is all that matters
So I wonder,
Will I ever be among them?
Having that physique through this crusade?

The Exploration

Nabi Musa and Khidir

Remember that one?

Nabi Musa wanted Nabi Khidir to teach him what he was being taught

SO Nabi Musa followed Nabi Khidir on a journey

Throughout the journey, 

Nabi Khidir did THREE weird things that any human being would question the relevancy

But Nabi Khidir had told Nabi Musa before hand

As to not question what he will be doing

Which was assured by Nabi Musa that he will stay patient no matter what comes around

So 

Yes,

As you expected

Nabi Khidir did something weird 

and Nabi Musa start questioning Nabi Khidir's actions

and that marks the end of him following him

Confused much?

Itulah motifnya

Did you know that this tale is written in the love letters Allah sent to us?

Cuba Try Test

Starting from 18:65

That is read as Surah Al-Kahfi

Starting from the 65th verse and the story goes on

You tell me the story. maybe?

JUDGE

When people judge with that very little knowledge they have,

They might create a mess

Something they would regret later on

You know perfectly what I am talking about

I am not talking about judging a book by it's cover 

Judging a leopard by its pattern. HUH? 

Judging a Samsung company from the awkward shape of an S2

I am talking about

Judging a book by it's first paragraph

When you could have read more 

Judging a leopard by how a mummy leopard bites onto her baby's neck

You're assuming 

"She's gonna kill that poor little guyy" 

When you could have stood there for a few more second to see the mummy transferring the baby to a safer place

You don't expect some mummy leopards to hold their babies like we do, would yaa?

That would be scary!

Judging a Samsung company by how your Samsung Galaxy S2 get stuck and hangs on you

When you should have seen the way you have been using,toying it heartlessly.

Oops. Getting all personal now is it?

Ignore the one about S2

But isn't this how we judge?

The first thing we see, we interpret it involuntarily without realising and making horrendous statements

This reminds me of a story

The story of our prophet; Nabi Musa and Khidir

Will be continued

Here I am worrying about the workload I have
We make a hassle out of what to eat later
What to watch
Who will be leading in Music Bank, MNet and stuffs
Where to go for the break
What did the Kardashians wore for the Red Carpet
Momo dengan Mushy dah makan ke belum (Read : hamsters)

WHEN

They are there agonizing whether the tank that has just passed will turn back
When will the next troop be shooting the door knob
Whether they will make it for tomorrow
Should they show more love to their siblings
Kiss the forehead of their mothers and fathers
Cause the chances that the army is going to shoot their parents dead is just around the corner

SO

What have we done on our behalf?
Do the world know about their sufferings?
Have we spread the news?
Do our next door neighbours know what is happening in Syria and Palestine?
Do we even call them our brothers and sisters?
Wait,
DO WE even know what is happening in Syria and Palestine at this moment of time
When here we are
Laying in bed
On that comfy mattress of ours
In that cozy duvet if ours
They are THERE being burned,bombed,shot, sepak terajang habis semua

Think of it
Fikir-fikirkanlah
Have we done our part?
Were they in our du'a just now?

SILENCE IS BETRAYAL

"Ummati Ummati Ummati"

Layakkah kita

Merangkul cintanya
Cinta kekasih Allah
Yang tidah berbelah

To the production team
A round of applause for their effort

Its the effort that He will be looking at

The product?
Thou macam kacang buncis terborai, *some random thing that i can think of at this moment
Won't be graded for

Only human eyes will judge

But do know that judgements of mankind is not the one worth striving for

You out there
Yes you
You know who you are
No one understood my fanciness or should I say the obsession?
Yes the obsession I once had
No one in the world know
How hard it was at first to quit
But you know right
Mate
Alhamdulillah
Allah loves us,still and will always do and for that
He gave us a tiny little pinch


I know that it is never easy and there will be more to come
More than what the eyes can see
The heart
It is struggling
But know what?
Allah counts every struggle we had to put up with
The inner struggle
So don't give up!
Pray that we ALL get tougher as days go by


InsyaAllah all the best exam till 9th june!
I'm having mine from 7th till 13th June
Doakan :)

"Master your EMOTIONS or not
you are going to be trapped by EMOTIONS "
(Tariq Ramadhan cited from contemporary psychologist)

I am writing because somehow I feel heaaavyy

I am writing because I hope one soul would be reading

Reading these thoughts that I am not in any state to share it

With these lips

They are feeling the burden too

The lips

Eh kita ada "lips" kan bukan "lip" kan. Plural right? =__= Saya budak baru belajaar:B

I am writing because I hope that soul would pray for me

That soul out there

Your prayers might just save another soul

Pray that the change for better would be insyaAllah forever

Baby steps

Step by step

Still glancing back 

But am not planning to fall in the same trap

It is hard, some said

But it is not that bad

It is the long term effect

the effort, that He will be looking at

Sometimes I wonder how could such person have such strength?
How is it that they remain calm after all those tornados and hurricanes? *Okaay.TIBATIBA.Nama Boa terlintaass-_-
I envy that fact that to them it may seem tiny
It was something I would be glad to gave with me
Courage kot nama dia.LOLLO


Then one day
This figure in the form of a human being :p
Came
and
We had this conversation


"You don't have to think too hard to find what you are good at.
Know that it would not be fair if God actually see each and every human being as the same figure with SAME emotions and feelings which is not the truth since some human being are so much moore sensitive than the rest. Some even have other capabilities of understanding a lot more easier than the others.
Do know that you will be questioned based on your effort of doing such thing that you are capable of doing
Imagine yeh. An extrovert, they may be asked by how much have they used their ke"lantangan" suara ituuh
Where as an introvert, the effort of that someone to actually try and speak in front of the public tho message idokle sampai pun and he ended up vomiting in front of the audience
That small EFFORT that may not be visible to the perspective of a human eyes are ZOOMed and FOCUSed with a MICROLENS by God"



Know that Allah is ever so fair to you.
I know that Allah sent that figure to tell me that
To welcome le heart to za state of Izzz(ease)


A few hours later I was flipping through the Quran
Not really knowing what I was doing
Then
I quit flipping at this one page
Stumbled by this



"Allah tidak membebankan seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kemampuannya
dia mendapat pahala atas apa yang diusahakannya dan
dia mendapat seksa atas apa yang dikerjakannya..."(2:286)

The rest of the ayat goes way sweeter for those that wants maghfirah
And
Remember the BURDEN I was rambling about in one of the previous post?
This ayat answered whatever I thought of was a burden and even came up with a doa to ease the so-called burden :)

Rambling agaaain
Soreh moreh people!

Macam nak tukar layout blog ni tapi macam sangat leceh
and ada orang tu blog dia dah hilang
baru macam nak post bendabenda sweet dekat blog dia
Takpolahh haa

XOXOXO

When you think you know that it's the turning point you have been waiting for

It is a bless when someone actually reminds you that tiny little fact that you almost forgot

People have dreams and hopes in lives 

Those that makes them strive for and those that makes them happy

Some of those dreams might just be a short one 

Not an everlasting one

That will just brighten up your dreams and soon in soft murmurs it will fade away
That is when you realise that
That is not the real deal
Not the "thing"  you have been looking for
It was not the "happiness" you have been searching for
So what is this real deal we are looking for?

hmm
cuba try test google ayat ayat cinta dari Allah
Everyyything is in there
Not sure where to start?
No problem
Starting from here maybe ?
(Azzariyat, 51 :56 )

"Dan demikianlah, Kami telah menjadikan kamu, umat yang adil dan pilihan agar kamu menjadi saksi atas manusia 

dan agar rasul menjadi saksi atas dirimu

Dan kami tidak menetapkan kiblat yang menjadi kiblatmu melainkan agar Kami mengetahui siapa yang mengikuti rasul dan siapa yang berpaling tadah

Dan sesungguhnya ia adalah berat kecuali bagi orang yang telah diberi petunjuk oleh Allah

dan Allah tidak mensia-siakan imanmu

Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang" 
(Al-Baqarah, 2:143 )

So many things can be extracted from that one ayat

For some

They may see the first few sentences that Allah lovingly prepared for us

But me

I was being hit by the THIRD and SECOND last sentences

"It will only be heavy for those who are not given the guidance" and "verily, Allah will never put your faith into such waste". Extracted from my own humble words

So, 

Is it still heavy?

This path you are taking?

Talking about paths and the choices being laid in front of me

He has been putting lubricant all throughout my journey

Believe it or not

It has not been easy but the strong "lubricant" was really a great help

In times of loneliness

His guidance,support and comfort was there

In the forms no one could have imagined

His hand for help was always there

It was me 

Who never really realise the aid that was always there

The guidance 

again

In forms you would never thought of

But it was there

Are you really that tired?

I don't think you have done much

What is there to be proud of

You have not done much

Well

I don't think you have started anything

So

Is it time now?

To get started?

There must have been a time when you feel just like crying

By a person's kindness

By a person's care towards us

By their love and affection

Thou we are not related in anyway 

Blood or water -_-

But we do have this special connection

We believe in the same thing

It can be just merely an agreement to the idea of making the world a better place

Or

The belief we believe in

That is somehow stronger

Bonded by this ukhuwwah

I feel so blessed and this feeling of gratefulness

It's awesome 

okaaaaayyy

since I have this gut feeling that this post will be long =_=

I SHALL STOP HERE
I was planning to share a story of a trip I just had

Will be continuing it in the next post

Tapi just A thought,

Don't anyone in this world 

Just feel simply touched by a another humanbeing's act of affection?

This is when 

A person thinks of his brother or sister more that himself

Putting others first before themselves.We call it Ithar

This is when he is said to be at the HIGHESSSST level of ukhuwwah

Why on EARRTHHH am I using the "he" pronoun (?)

Well :|

IDK

WELL!

I would want a friend of such

So

The best think I could think of now is being ONE, myself <3

Ohh did I tell you that 

The lowest level in an ukhuwah//sisterhood//brothership//sistership//brotherhood(?)

is loving our friends for who they are

That part there hmm:)

Dah settle ke that particular part?

You were wondering eyy
I miss you too dearly lah dear






So much to tell you
Let's just start with a picture
I am suuuper tired
I'll continue tomorrow <3

As clean as the sand of an untouched beach
As blank as a white cloth taken right from the dryer
As sparkling as the glasses being polished my the maids for the Royalties
Pure
Untouched

Like the sand
It may look soft and fragile
But with strong wind it gives a big awe
Warm white cloth is just plain huggable
Coming right from the dryer
Like the glass, you were small and delicate
Al-Fatihah
17/04/2012

Al-Fatihah

She just had to use his name, right?
When I am slowly starting to erase those bits of memories
나 도  보 고 싶 어!
칭 구  야! <3

100 percent reason to remember the name eyy?
I just had to open their MV
and suddenly had this advertisement of London Olympics popping out
This makes the joongboer in me even more depressed
Yeah I know, this does not make any sort of "sense"
Bare with it :D

p/s; thank you chinguu you just made me miss fort minor =_="
No Husna, you are not gonna listen to their song

Had Chemistry and Bioscience tests two days before
Assignments passed up
Settled
A one day lecture and I am done for this semester
We will be served for an easter break for two weeks and this is making me GIDDYYYY
As the holiday is approaching
I feel somehow grieved for not having my candy with me

보 고 싶 어 소 Candy :/

I met someone from Mexico. His name is Yang Carlo

Someone from China. I call him Tan

Someone from Afghanistan. She was gorgeous

Someone from South Korea. He introduced himself as Eric

Someone from the United States. Breanne was her name and her hair was golden orange.

Someone from England. She's Natasha and she's cute

Someone from South Africa. Shaheerah was the name and we had almost every tutorials together

Someone from India. Teesta having a nice smile is her thing.Oh and Shritj which I have no idea how to spell her name. She can make people laugh and rolll

A few people from Taiwan. Maggie the superactive nice girl. Diana who listens to japanese songs. Demi who is studying ballet and I find this interesting! Lucas who got freaked out seeing us praying in the white cloth

A bunch of people who misses home from Malaysia. Fatin and Fahani having our bulatan gembira together. Larry the bitchy guy, he said so. Adrien having a super devoted girlfriend. Leo the brilliant one together with Yen Ling and Li Yun those studious species. Akmal the only guy that was safe  from spending his money on Uni Hall

A bunch of nice local people. Campbell being one of the nicest guy which reminds me of my cousin*ZACH
Nick who I thought had a good sense in putting his arguments on the table which later I found out he was doing Law.LOL. Anna, the nice flute girl. Tamsin the suuper sweet girl bountiful with smiles. Ben, the serious one. Rachel, my lab neighbour which reminds me so much of Zoey Deschanel

So all those people I have met
A few to name them
Believe it or not
All those names
I am pretty sure
Only a few knows my name
I might have had a short greating with them and that was all it was
But being Husna
I have their names and faces graved in this memory of mine
It is a burden sometimes

P/s:: one thing I realise here is that
Even if you know that person
If you meet them on street
Some of them
Somehow
Makes us fell like as if
We do not exist
Unreturned awkward smile
Is all I have to say
This might not make sense :)

Having the memory stucked left untouch is somehow a waste
Spilling it out might just bring nuisance to those reading
So
I apologise since I find it a pleasure :)

I have interlocked glances with a few
Shared a smile with a few
Exchanging greatings and apologies with a few
Harmoniously collaborating in short discussions with a few
Engaged in a conversation with a few
There were also where we stood there silent
Sat in awkward stillness
Inaudible
Those moments happened
It just adds up to the list of memories
No one have any better idea how many times I was put into shame
By who?
Myself
Yeah

I was once
Someone who would easily start a conversation
But slowly that person is sinking being replaced by someone else
Whom is fancy with the remarkable silence
But there were times when I had to open the mouth first
Since the silence was too deafening, they say

One asked me why I wear "this thing" directly after being asked about his origin
Saw him a few times after that but never in another conversation
One was wondering if ever a guy sees me without "the thing"
Do I have to marry them?
And do I wear this just to cover my hair and forehead?
*SO I thought, maybe that is why most guy avoided making eye contacts with us? They might have actually sat down and shove a few conclusions regarding our identity
One asked what do you call "that thing" you wear on your head in the most respected way
But never had the chance to explain deeper
One even asked what makes I think I am modest when wearing "that thing" compared to other girls
When the reality slipped just at the corner of our eyes while we had this conversation
A girl with the head covered but the rest of the curvature of the body was clear to the vision
And
Another girl not having her head covered looking more modest

SO
That made me thinking
How do we portray the qudwah of being modest here?

I met a someone today for breakfast
That person which I thought was a Chinese
Which I thought got a bit tan from bathing under the hot sun of New Zealand for almost 10 years
Which I was wrong

Was a Chindian
That person
Was a Malaysian
Once

That person is having the 2ndth year in University of Auckland
That person did Bachelor of Health Sciences last year
Which is what I am doing right now
And
Now, doing Bachelor of Bio-Medical
That person promised to invite me to their home
Whenever the mother plans on cooking Nasi Lemak
Since I
Without any sense of shame
Bluntly told that I am almost losing the ability to
Feed on spicy,hot-blazing food
Since I came here

Overjoyed
But one thing I need to bear in mind
Hmm
하 랄  ke yeh?

There are those people
Whom
They know us and exactly interprets us
Without us having to say a word
I thank Allah for bringing you lovely people into my life:'(

Okay need not to get all emotional
I still have a looong way to go

Sakinah
Maybe she had nothing else to do
Which made her decided to go through that looong post
She might not had gone through the whole thing
I reckon she read the 1st paragraph and then the 2nd last and last and got the whole picture :D
Nabilah too
I think she can sense something that whatever she writes
Is comforting

"kenapa kita suka benda yang scary yeh"
Hmm.Something to think about

So I sat there for breakfast with this mate of mine
She has her world of her own so we just ate there silently
The observer in me was searching high and low
all around to find something interesting to monitor on

I think I was the only one who had to witness than scene
Had caught this moment where
No one else was bothered by it
They might just had overlooked such scene
Well, on a second thought
I don't think it was something that would bothered anyone
It was just me

Since I was not alone
I felt great
I saw this guy
I think he is so much younger than me
He is a dongsaeng, if my eyes are not overshadowed by anything

FYI
People here, in the University Hall are just superbly unpredictable
You thought you were the youngest, but the truth might just be that you are the oldest
So this part of life, AGE
Just don't think about lengthening the conversation by inquiries regarding the topic of age
You might just turn yourself into a clown, with than red nose of yours.

There he was walking alone to take some cereals
Sat alone at the end of a table
Ate alone
With me staring at him
He was so interested in the cereals that he did not bother to look up
so that gave me more chance of observing you see :B

Another guy came and sat at the same table as the dongsaeng was sitting
Imagine an eight seated table
One sitting at the very end and the other sitting opposite and also at the very next end
That sight just annoys me

Maybe because I was imagining me in that place
It would just be too awkward
From all of my observations and interpretation
It is rather obvious that they were from the same country
So I wonder,
Would'nt just a smile if you are just too lazy to greet
Be the basic thing to do?

Then I thought
Some people just need their moments alone
So why are you out of all people get tight up with these wonders of life?
Hmm

Did my laundry in the basement
I tend to do things without company sonetimes
Since I felt more care free
But at times I still need someone to be with me
That would only be when having meals
I can die out of the awkwardness-_-

So
Had my laundry in the dryer and all dried up
I had my first peek of the music room
There was no one there
Closed the door and had my time
I felt like I was at home
The giddiness:)
Done
Opened the door
Stucked the door-stopper
Went to get my laundry bag on the table opposite the piano
It was behind the door
As I was about to turn to face the door

There he was
That dongsaeng
We almost crashed
Hahaaaa.Naah.That was something I exaggerated
He was like
"Ooh.oops" as in, I had no idea someone was in here
"Sorry" since we almost bump that was the least that I can say
So that was the only conversation

I had to go up with the stairs since the lift was rather full
As soon as I was out of the room and he was in there
Alone
Some exquisite melody starts flowing out of the room
Something that was worth listening to

Some people are just okay with staying alone
They have their own something that give joy to their life
Even you have your times when you want to be separated from the world awhile
So know that people have theirs too

I am just thankful since I have an aim in life
An aim that would give me "True" happiness, InsyaAllah
알 함 두 릴 랗 :)

The journey begins

My classes have started
It was my second day just a few hours ago
So ummi and abah
and Hannan if you are reading and want to know what i shall be doing till June so here it is
4 subjects for this semester
BIOSCI107 - Biosience
CHEM110 - Organin Chemistry
POPLHLTH101 - Population Health
POPLHLTH111- Population Health

Don't ask me the difference between those two population health classes just yet
I have no idea still
So basically that is it

I am down with a cold and having a flu.
Hmm I should just write this in the newspaper and let the whole world know that I am down with a cold
Since I have been posting that tiny fact throughout facebook :B

The person who really misses home,

Staying for a whole one week on this Land of White Clouds,

made me realise a few hmm many things

I MISS MY FAMILY!

MY FRIENDS!

THAT COMFORTABLE ENVIRONMENT

I miss arguing with Abah

Telling stories to Ummi

Fighting and talking craps with Ihsan, Hannan and Aisyah

Chatting alll the way with my BFFs!

That illness that people have been talking about and

 I was wondering whether it really existed 

is slowly taking over me now

More to come insyaAllah

"I miss you"

This plain meaningless sentence
To some may be the words hard to be uttered
We can find these words effortlessly hiding in some and with great effort, we can ransack the thoughts of some and will discover the obedience of these three simple words to remain in the hallowest part,in the dark

To avoid people from uncover such truth,
A whole lot of efforts was made
And in the end
It will make oneself tired


What do you do when you miss a person?
What if the person we miss have no idea the fact that we miss them?
What is it that we do shows our yearning for them?
Do you try your best to let that one person know you miss them?
Do you just hide your face and telling yourself about this longing of yours,but just to yourself?
What do you do if the person you missed is not in this world we're living?
Their spirit,ruh is here with us
Know that

You know it will not be a smooth road but
You are convinced that something nice is waiting at the end of the road